Monday, September 27, 2010

Re-evaluate your Five Paragraph Essays, my young friends!

Dear Juniors,

If you missed class today, we completed the following:

1. I returned your Five Paragraph Essays. We discussed the primary problem with them and that happens to be COMMENTARY. You need more green! Many of you include valid CONCRETE DETAIL, but fail to support your points. I gave each student the following examples. The first paragraph was written by one of you. It has valid points, but the student hasn't included enough support. Notice that the second paragraph has more support, specifically through quotes that corroborate the points.

Paragraph Examples
            Due to the pain that one feels during post surgery, scientists and doctors use new medicines to help patients through pain relief. However, many drugs fail to provide sufficient relief due to the weakness of the drugs. For example, Stephen Aaron, a middle-aged man from Salt Lake City, Utah, recently required back surgery. He received morphine to help cope with the pain he felt, however, the pain pushed through the medicine to a point where he found it almost unbearable. The drugs couldn't provide the relief he required, and unfortunately legalized marijuana isn't an option in Utah. Very few people react negatively to marijuana Allergic reaction reports seem to come up very seldom and far in between. These reasons help indicate why medical marijuana should become an option in all states.

#2  (with more commentary/support)

            Due to post surgery pain, medical professionals use new medicines to assist patients with pain relief. Unfortunately, many drugs fail to provide sufficient help. For example, Stephen Aaron, a middle-aged man from Salt Lake City, Utah, recently required back surgery. He received morphine to help cope with the strong post surgery discomfort; however, the morphine did not ease his pain. If current pain options cease to alleviate patient pain, then other avenues need consideration. According to one study conducted by the U.S. Society for Neuroscience, “Careful studies show marijuana directly interferes with pain signaling in the nervous system.. This insight may lead to a new class of pain killers. Patients suffering from spinal cord injuries and the ill effects of chemotherapy will find pain relief through the use of marijuana” (Joy, Stanley, and Benson). A second study sponsored by the Healthcare Regularly Agency (HRA) indicated that the 200 individuals used in the study “found the use of marijuana  most effective, particularly  regarding pain relief and improved sleep” (Armenteno). If Mr. Aaron had taken marijuana for his pain,  he would have recovered more quickly and experienced less side effects from the surgery. Unfortunately, the use of medical marijuana  creates a barrier in the state of Utah. Thirteen states and the District of Columbia permit the use of medical marijuana (Seimons). If approved throughout the United States, medical marijuana would decrease pain experienced by those recovering from surgery and other illnesses.

2. Remember that if you use information from another source that you MUST CITE THE SOURCE. I have included citation examples below using the MLA format. Go to www.uve/ and input "MLA FORMAT." Print this off and place it in the "VOCAB./ MECHANICS" section of your notebook.

3. We completed the quiz for "The Chaser."

1. Revise your five paragraph essay for Friday.
2. Article of the Week #3 is due on Wed.